EXT.
HOUSE – DAY
We
see a house. In front there is a board – Baba Sigriwale. Just then a man comes
out shouting.
People
are passing in front of the house.
MAN
Main
aabaad ho gaya. Hai..main
aabaad
ho gaya.
People started looking towards man.
Man
2
Ye
kon barbaad ho gaya.
MAN
Main
aabad ho gaya.
Man
3
Are
dhyan se suno. Wo keh raha hai
main
aabad ho gaya. Barbaad nahin.
MAN
Main
aabaad ho gaya.
Man
4
Are
haan. Tum sahee keh rahe ho.
Man
1
Kya
hua bhai.
MAN
Kya
bataun. Main aabad ho gaya.
Man
1
Lekin
kaise. Aisa bhee kya ho
gaya.
MAN
Sab
Baba Sigriwale kee meharwani
hai.
MAN
3
Sigriwale
baba.
MAN
Haan.
Bahut pahunche hue fakir
hain.
Jo khete hain sach ho jata
hai.
MAN
3
Sach
main.
MAN
Haan.
Abhee kal tak main ghar ghar
jaker
sabji bechata tha. Fir kisi
ne
mujhe Sigriwale Baba ka pata
bataya.
Main unke pass ja pahuncha.
Unhone
mujhe ek chota sa totka kerne
ko
kaha.
MAN
3
Fir.
MAN
Fir
kya. Totka kerke maine lottery
ka
ticket khareeda pure 5 crore ka.
MAN
2
5 crore.
MAN
Haan.
MAN
1
Fir.
MAN
Fir
kya. Jaise ki baba ne khaa
tha
meri lottery lag gayee.
Ab
main crorepati ho
gaya.
Matlab ekdum aabaad.
MAN
1
Kya
scah main.
Man
runs away.
MAN
Main
to aabad ho gaya tum bhee ho
jao.
Jao Sigriwale Baba se milo aaj
hee.
Everyone
starts running towards the house.
EXT.
HOUSE – DAY
The man comes
to Raju who is hiding behind the tree.
MAN
Le
bhai tera kaam ho gaya.
Mere
paise.
RAJU
Haan
ye lo.
MAN
Aur
acting kaisee thee.
RAJU
Bahut
badhiya. Ekdum professional
lag
raha tha.
MAN
Professional
main hoon. Tv per bhee
aa
chukka hun. But aajkal kaam
kee
bahut maramari hai.
RAJU
Ok.
Chal ab nikal le.
MAN
Ok
bhai. Agar future main koi bhee
aisa
kaam hoga jaroor bulana . ok.
RAJU
Ok.
MAN
Ok
bye.
RAJU
Bye.
Man
goes away.
INT.
HOUSE – DAY
Ragu is
sitting in the guise of Sigriwale baba. He has long beard and a turban. He is
wearing blue colored googles. Two shadvis are fanning him.
Raju is
standing like his disciple.
Just then
people come there. Raju comes and blocks their way.
RAJU
Aye
kon ho tum log.
CRWOD
Humein
Baba Sigriwale se milna
hai.
RAJU
Oh.
To tum log bhakt ho.
MAN
1
Nahin.
RAJU
Nahin.
To kyun aaye ho yahan.
MAN
2
Unke
bare main suna hai wo jo bhee
kehte
hain sach ho jata hai.
RAJU
Haan.
Thik suna hai.
MAN
1
Lekin
hum kaise maan lein.
RAJU
Matlab
tum baba ka test lena chahte
ho.
MAN
2
Haan.
RAJU
Khamosh.
Lagta hai tum logon kee
akal
ghas charne gayee hai. Werna
bhool
ker bhee baba ka test lene
kee
baat nahin kerte. Chale jao
yahan
se werna baba kee bhasm se
sabko
bhasm ker doonga.
RAGHU
Thahro.
Vats rizwan. Hum denge.
In
sab logon ko test denge. Koi
bhee
teen log aaker mera test le
sakte
hain.
A
man Shambhu comes forward to Raghu.
SHAMBHU
Baba
mujhe bahut tez khuzli hotee
hai
yahan sare haath main. Kya aap
mujhe
thik ker sakte hain.
RAGHU
Kyun
nahin.
Samose
khate ho.
SHAMBHU
Ji.
RAGHU
Peeli chatni se khate ho.
SHAMBHU
Ji.
RAGHU
Laal
se khate ho.
SHAMBHU
Ji.
RAGHU
Kaali
se.
SHAMBHU
Ji.
RAGHU
Bhoori
se.
SHAMBHU
Ji.
Raghu looks angry.
RAGHU
Dekh
zhooth mat bol haan.
SHAMBHU
Nahin.
Main sach bol raha hun.
Raghu
thinks for a while.
RAGHU
Accha
peeli lal aur bhoori ko mix
kerke
khate ho.
SHAMBHU
Nahin.
Aise to nahin khaya.
RAGHU
Yahi
to.
SHAMBHU
Matlab.
RAGHU
Peeli
lala aur bhoori ko mix kerke
khao.
Kalyan hoga.
SHAMBHU
Kya
sach main.
RAGHU
Haan.
Kal aap sab log aa jana dekhne.
Ye
thik ho jayega. Meri guarantee hai.
next.
An
old man comes.
OLD
MAN
Baba.
RAGHU
Bolo
bache.
OLD
MAN
Main
bahut pareshan hun.
RAGHU
Kya
pareshani hai.
OLD
MAN
Wo
bulbul hai na.
RAGHU
Bulbul
kon.
OLD
MAN
Meri
patni.
RAGHU
Oh.
Aage bolo.
OLD
MAN
Wo
30 salon se mere gale padee
huee
hai.
RAGHU
Ye
to acchee baat hai.
OLD
MAN
Are
baba puri baat to sun lo.
RAGHU
Bolo..
OLD
MAN
Wo
raheena hai na.
RAGHU
Kon
raheena.
OLD
MAN
Meri
nayee padosan.
RAGHU
Oh
acchhaa.
OLD
MAN
Mujhe
us se pyar ho gaya hai.
RAGHU
Oh.
To problem kya hai.
OLD
MAN
Main chahta hun bulbul mujhe
chod ker bhag jaye.
RAGHU
Don’t
worry ho jayega.
OLD
MAN
Sach
main.
RAGHU
Haan.
OLD
MAN
Kab
tak.
RAGHU
Kal
hee.
OLD
MAN
Kaise.
RAGHU
Kachha
kis color ka pehnte
ho.
OLD
MAN
Jee
hare color ka.
RAGHU
Mat
pehno.
BERTHA
To
kis color ka pehnu.
RAGHU
Mat
pehno. Kaha na kachha hee mat
pehno.
OLD
MAN
Ok
baba.
RAGHU
Thik
hai fir kal milna. Next.
A
short man comes.
SHORT
MAN
Baba main bahut pareshan hun.
RAGHU
Bole
bete. Pareshani bolo.
SHORT
MAN
Meri
sarkari naukri kab lagegi.
RAGHU
Bete aaj raat 12 baje ek
pagal kutte
ko makki kee roti doodh ke
sath khila
dena. Kal hee naukri lag
jayegi.
SHORT
MAN
Sach
baba.
RAGHU
Haan
bete kal khud dekh lena.
RAJU
Ok
bhaktjanao. Aap logon ne baba ka
test
le liya hai. Ab aap log
jaiye.
Kal result aayega to aap
khud
dekh lena. Baba pass hote hain
ki
fail. Kal thik isi time per aa
jana.
Jai baba sigriwale kee.
The
crowd goes out.
INT.
APARTMENT – DAY
Raghu and Raju
are sitting on chairs and relaxing. Raju is eating chips from packet.
RAGHU
Yar
ye baba wala scam chal bhee
payega.
RAJU
Haan
kyun nahin.
RAGHU
Mujhe
shak ho raha hai.
RAJU
Wo
kya hai na ki ye Hindustan hai.
Yahan
kee janta bahut bholi hai.
Mera
matlab gareeb aur fatehhaal
hai.
Yahan to padhe –likhe log
bhee
baba logon ke chakker kaatte
hain
fir anpadh kya cheej hain.
Log
aajkal mehnat nahin kerna
chahate.
Unhe bas chahiye ki koi
baba
mile aur fatafat unke kaam
banein.
Yahi lalchi mentality
to
hum jaise con artiston ke kaam
aatee
hai.
RAGHU
Bhaee wo to hai. Lekin abhee ek
bhee
murga halal nahin hua hai.
RAJU
Are
ghabara mat. Kisi bhee naye
business
ko shuru krne main
saloon
lag jate hain. Fir apna
dhandha
to ek din purana hai.
hain.
Le chips kha.
Just
then three men and two sadhvi’s (now modern dress) come inside.
RAJU
Are
tum log.
RAGHU
Yahan
kya ker rahe ho.
SHAMBHU
Bhai
wo advance chahiye
tha.
RAJU
Yar
tum log bhee na. Abhee kaam
start
hua nahin hai aur tum
log
aa gaye. Abhee kal bhee
aana
hai tum logon ko.
SHORT
MAN
Dekh bhai. Paise de do nahin
to koi nahin aayega.
OLD
MAN
Haan
haan. Koi nahin aayega.
RAJU
Yar.
Ajeeb museebat hai. Tum log
to
lootne per utaru ho gaye ho.
SHAMBHU
De
raha hai ya.
RAJU
Thik
hai thik hai. ye lo.
Raju
gives money to all.
SHAMBHU
Ye
huee na baat.
RAJU
Kal
time se aana.
SHAMBHU
Ghabara
mat dost. Hum time ke ekdum
punctual
hain.
All
of them go out.
INT.
HOUSE – DAY
Song is
running – Sigriwale baba, Chasmewale baba. Raghu is not there yet. Shadvis are
waiting with fans in hands. Raju is walking to and fro. Just then all people
come there.
RAJU
Aaiye
aaiye aap log. Thoda sabr
rakhiye
baba jee abhee aate hee
honge.
Just
then Raghu comes from backroom. He sits on chair. Just then the man, old man
and poor man come running and fall on Raghu’s meet.
SHAMBHU
Aap
mahan ho baba.
OLD
MAN
Aap
sakshat Vishnu ka avatar
ho.
SHORT
MAN
Baba
aapne hum logon ko bacha
liya.
RAJU
Khade
ho jaiye aap log. Khade
ho
jaiye.
All
stand up.
RAJU
Ab
aap log ek ek karke sabko batao
kya
hua.
SHAMBHU
Bhaiyo
kal maine ghar jaker jaise
baba
ne bataya tha peeli neeli lal
aur
bhoori chatni ko mix karke samoson
ke
sath khaya. Aur tabhee mera
saat
saal purana khujli ka rog theek
ho
gaya. Aap dhanya ho baba. Dhanay
ho.
RAJU
Ok.
Next. Aap bataiye aapke sath kya
hua.
OLD
MAN
Jaise
Baba Sigriwale ne bataya tha
maine
sare kacche jala diye. Subh
jab
main utha to dekha meri patni
Bulbul
gali ke pehlwan ke sath
furrrr
ho gayee. Matlab bhag gayee.
Ab
main aaram se Rahina se romance
ka
khel jari rakh sakta hun.
Sigriwale
baba amar rahein.
RAJU
Thik
hai. thik hai. ab tum
batao.
Tumhare sath kya hua.
SHORT
MAN
Are
bhaiyo kuch mat pucho. Jaise
baba
ne bataya tha maine theek barah
baje
ek pagal kutte ko makki kee
roti
doodh ke sth khilaee. Aur
fir
jaise chamatkaar ho gaya.
Mujhe
2 baje phone aaya kee meri
railway
main sarkari naukri lag
gayee
hai. Dhanya ho baba. Dhanaya
ho.
RAJU
Bhaktjano
kya ab bhee aap logon ke
man
main sanshaya hai.
CROWD
Nahin.
RAJU
To
bolo sigriwale baab kee…
CROWD
Jai.
Everyone
runs and touches feet of Raghu.
RAGHU
Kalayanam.
Mahakalyanam.
People
sings bhajan in praise of baba sigriwale.
CROWD
Sigriwale teri leela hai apaar
Tu deta hai jab bhee deta hai
chappar
faad.
INT.
RECEPTION – DAY
Raju is
sitting on the table as receptionist.
There is a big line of people in front of him.
CLIENT
Ji
mujhe sigriwale baba se
milna
hai. appointment chahiye.
RAJU
Thik
hai. Agle mahine 12 tarikh
raat
ko 10 baje.
CLIENT
Kya.
ye kya keh rahe ho babu.
RAJU
Baba
ji kee bahut tagdee booking
chal
rahee hai. Dates nahin hain.
CLIENT
To
kuch de dila ke.
RAJU
Ab
aaye na line per. Bolo
kab
kee date chahiye.
Isee
hafte chahiye to ek lakh.
CLIENT
Aaj
aur abhee ka kya rate hai.
RAJU
Panch
lakh.
CLIENT
Panch.
RAJU
Chahiye
to jaldi bolo. Peeche
aur
bhee log khade hain.
CLIENT
Haan
haan de do.
Raju
gives him a paper slip. The man gives a briefcase to Raju. He opens the
briefcase and it is full of money.
RAJU
Ye slip gate per dikha dena. Tumhe
koi
nahin rokega.
CLIENT
Ok.
Man
goes.
RAJU
Logon
ke pass fenkne ke liye paisa
hai
is dsh main. Fir bhee ye desh
garib
hai. Kamal hai. Ok next.
INT.
HOUSE – DAY
Raghu is
looking at the hand of a beautiful girl in modern and short dress.
GIRL
Aap
sach keh rahe hain baba. Mera
pati
parson tak mar jayega.
RAGHU
Haan
bitiya. Bas totka jaroor
kerna.
Gale main chamde kee
mala
jaroor pehnana.
Just
then the man comes.
RAGHU
Achha
bititya tum chalo. Agla murga
aa
gaya hai.
GIRL
Murga.
RAGHU
Mera
matlab bhakt.
GIRL
Achha
baba main chalti hun. Bye.
The
girl leaves.
INT.
HOUSE – DAY
The man comes
and stands in front of Raghu. He puts his feet forwards. The man just stand
there. Raghu makes a gesture with eyes to touch the feet. Finally the man
touches Raghu’s feet.
RAGHU
Kalayanam.
Mahakalyanam. Bolo
beta
kya takleef hai.
CLIENT
Baba
mujhe bacha lijiye.
RAGHU
Kya
hua bachha.
CLIENT
Baba
mujhe is election main
ticket
dilwa dijiye.
RAGHU
Oh.
Kon see party se ho.
CLIENT
JANMU.
RAGHU
JANMU
CLIENT
Janwadi
mohadmaad united wali.
RAGHU
Bada
ajeeb naam hai.
CLIENT
Baba
main party ka mehnati
karyakerta
hun. Lekin wo president
ka
sala tang aada raha hai sala.
Baba
kisi terh se bas aap mujhe
ticket
dila dijiye.
RAGHU
Bas
itni see baat. Ja ticket teri
huee.
CLIENT
Baba muje kerna kya hai.
RAGHU
Paan
chabate ho.
CLIENT
Bilkul
nahin baba.
RAGHU
Oh.
Cigarette to peete honge?
CLIENT
Nahin
baba.
RAGHU
Shit.
Ok Daaru?
CLIENT
Nahin
baba.
RAGHU
Doodh?
CLIENT
Nahin
baba.
RAGHU
Oh
god. Acchaa Juice
CLIENT
Haan
baba. Wo pee leta hun.
RAGHU
Thank
god. Ok Kon sa.
CLIENT
Annar,
mango, chiku, moami. Ye
mere
favourite hain.
RAGHU
Karele
ka peete ho.
CLIENT
Nahin
baba.
RAGHU
Peeo.
CLIENT
Kya.
RAGHU
Agle budhwaar ko subeh naha
dhoker
Sigriwale baba yani mera
dhyan ker
ek glass sudh karele ka
juice peena.
Kalyan hoga.
CLIENT
Ok baba. Ticket to mil jayegi.
RAGHU
Parchi katwaee hai.
CLIENT
Jee pure panch lakh kee.
RAGHU
Fir nischint raho.
CLIENT
Accha baba chalta hun.
RAGHU
Aur suno.
CLIENT
Jee.
RAGHU
Juice main kali mirch ka ek
chamach
dalna
mat bhoolna.
CLIENT
Jee
baba. Ok baba. Thank you baba. Ye ticket mil gayee.(with happiness).
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