EPISODE 3: THE FAKE DIRECTOR

 EPISODE 3: THE FAKE DIRECTOR

INT. RUBY’S APARTMENT – DAY

Ruby is sitting. Just then Raghu and Raju come there.

RAGHU

Hi Ruby.

RUBY

Hi. Raghu and Raju. Aao aao.

RAJU

Kya baat hai. Aaj badi khush

lag rahee ho.

RUBY

Haan. Baat hee khusi kee hai.

RAGHU

Kya hua. Tumhe koi lead role

mil gaya kya.

RUBY

Hai. Itni bhee khusee kee baat

nahin hai.

RAJU

To fir kya baat hai. Haemin bhee

to batao.

RUBY

I am in relationship.

RAGHU

Kya.

RAJU

Sataynash.

RUBY

Bolo hai na khushi kee baat.

RAGHU

Hmm. Haan ..haan

RAJU

Lekin ye to bataiye kon hai wo…

malech.

RUBY

Wo director hai.

RAJU

Oh. Kon si film direct kee hain.

RUBY

10-15 kee hain lekin unfortunately

release nahin ho payee koi bhee.

RAJU

 Oh. Bahut badhiya.

RAGHU

Haan bina release ke 15 filmein

direct kerna bhee koi choti moti

baat nahin hai.

RUBY

Aur sabse badee baat to ye hai

usne mujhse promise kiya hai.

RAGHU

Kaisa promise.

RUBY

Ki wo jaldee hee mujhe bade bade

producers se milwayega. Taki mujhe

kisi badee film main main lead role

mil sake.

RAGHU

Sach main.

RUBY

Haan. Aur nahin to kya.

Phone of Ruby rings. She takes the call.

RUBY

Haan jaanu. Kab. Kahan. Really.

Ok. Bye.

She cuts the phone.      

RUBY

Ok guys. Mujhe jana hai.

Akhil ne bulaya hai.

RAJU 

Akhil kon?

RUBY

Are Akhil. Mera bf.

RAJU 

Oh.

RUBY

Ok. Main chaltee hun.

RAJU

Bye.

RAGHU

Yar ye murgi to hamare haat se

nikal gayee.

RAJU 

Lekin yaar mujhe to koi locha

lagta hai.

RAGHU

Locha. Kaisa locha.

RAJU 

Usne 15 filmein direct kee hain

aur ek bhee release nahin huee.

RAGHU

Are haan. Ye to hai.

RAJU

Aise bade sare log hain industry

main. Jo bholi bhali kanyaon ko

fansate hain aur unka galat

fayda uthate hain.

RAGHU

Matlab hamari Ruby museebat

main hai. Main aisa nahin hone

dunga.

RAJU

Main bhee.

RAGHU

Chal. Chalte hain.

Both go out.

INT. AKHIL’S APARTMENT – DAY

Ruby is sitting with Akhil. He is holding her hand. Raghu and Raju are listening from other room.

AKHIL

              Tum is duniya kee sabse khoobsurat

ladkee ho.

RUBY

Tumhari meeting kaise rahee farah

khan wali.

AKHIL

Man kerta hai tumhe leke khandala

chala jaun.

RUBY

Koi nayee film mili.

AKHIL

Kabhee kabhee sochta hun ye film

industry ka chakker hee chod dun.

Bus tumhare sath family basa lun.

RUBY

Mujhe role kab dila rahe ho.

AKHIL

Meri bahon main aa jao.

Akhil tries to hug Ruby. She pushes him and tries to shake him.

RUBY

Akhil. Utho. Utho. Sapnon kee

duniya se baher aao.

Akhil opens his eyes.

AKHIL

Haan. Kuch kaha tumne.

RUBY

Haan. Maine kaha mujhe role kab

dila rahe ho.

AKHIL

Haan bahut jaldee. Bus jaldee he

ek contract sign hone wala hai.

Ready rehna.

RUBY

Really.

AKHIL

Haan.

RUBY

Ok. Ab main chaltee hun.

Bye.

AKHIL

Bye.

Ruby goes out.

Just then another girl comes in.

AKHIL

Hi Sarika.

SARIKA

Hi Akhil.

AKHIL

Aao baitho. Main tumhare bare

main hee soch raha tha. Tum duniya

kee sabse khoobsurat ladkee ho.

RAGHU (WHISPERS)

Are ye to wahi wala dialogue

hai.

SARIKA 

              Mujhe film main role kab dilwa

rahe ho.

AKHIL

Bahut jaldee. Jaldee hee mujhe ek

film milne wali hai. Tumhe lead

role milega usme.

SARIKA

Really.

AKHIL

Haan.

RAJU

Ban gaya kaam.

RAGHU 

              Chal chalte hain.

Raghu and Raju go out.

INT. RUBY’S APARTMENT – DAY

Ruby is doing some exercises. Raghu and Raju come.

RAGHU 

Hi Ruby.

RAJU

Kya ker rahee ho.

RUBY

Hi.

RAGHU 

Hum ek khuskhabri laye hain.

I mean buri khaber.

RUBY

Kya.

RAJU 

Actually tumhara bf hai na.

RUBY

Haan.

RAJU

Wo tumse cheating ker raha hai.

RUBY

Kya matlab.

RAGHU 

Double cross.

RUBY

Tum log bol kya rahe ho.

RAGHU 

Actual wo Akhil hai na. wo

bholi bhali ladkiyon ko fansata

hai. Role ka zhoota bahana deker.

RUBY

Shut up aisa nahin ho sakta.

RAJU

Kamal hai. Humne apni aankhon se

dekha hai.

RUBY

Kya dekha hai.

RAGHU 

Actually hamare dost ki behen hai

Riya. Wo bhee tumhari terh

actress banana chahti hai. Us din

hum log ek party main the. Wahan

usne bataya ki uska naya bf bana

hai. Akhil naam ka jo filmon ka

director hai. Aur usne 15 filmein

kee hain jo abhee release nahin

huee hain.

RAJU

Pehle to humein biswas nahin hua.

kyunki Akhil to tumhara bf hai.

But baad main humne Akhil ko

Riya ke sath dekha.

RUBY

Zooth bol rahe ho tum log.

RAGHU 

Aur hum aisa kyun karenege.

RUBY

Kyunki tum log mujh per line

marte ho.

RAJU

Ye lo. Aisa kuch nahin. Hum donon

kee already ek-ek gf hai.

RAGHU 

Hum sach keh rahe hain. Akhil

accha ladka nahin hai. Use chod

do.

RUBY

Ok. Lekin tum logon ke pass koi

saboot hai is baat ka.

RAGHU 

Saboot.

RUBY

Haan saboot.

RAJU 

Saboot hum lana bhool gaye. Lekin

tum chahti ho to hum saboot le

aayenge. Isme kon see badee baat

hai.

RUBY

Thik hai. Jao pehle saboot leker aao.

Fir baat kernege. Ab main ja rahee

hun shower lene. Good bye.

RAJU 

Bye.

RAGHU 

Chal yar.

RAJU

Kahan.

RAGHU 

              Sabot lane.

Both go out.

INT. APARTMENT – DAY

Raghu and Raju are walking to and fro. They are thinking.

RAGHU 

Yaar. Ab kyaa krein. Saboot kahan

se layein.

RAJU

Idea.

RAGHU 

Bol.

RAJU

Idhar sun.

Raju discusses in his ear.

INT. AKHIL’S APARTMENT – DAY

Akhil is sitting. Just then doorbell rings.

Raju is in getup of a hot girl. Raghu is acting as bf.

RAJU

Hello sir.

AKHIL

Kon ho aap log.

RAJU

Jee main Kamini. Bahut door se

aaee hun.

AKHIL

Boliye kya kaam hai.

RAJU

Jee main filmon main kaam kerna

chahti hun. Aap to itne bade

director hain. Aap mujhe role

de sakte hain.

Akhil looks at Raghu.

AKHIL

Ye kon hai.

RAJU

Mera bf.

AKHIL

Kya.

RAJU

Mujhe aapse kuch private main baat

kerni hai.

AKHIL

Haan

Raju and Akhil go to a corner.

AKHIL

Haan bolo

RAJU

Wo mera permanent bf nahin hai.

AKHIL

Matlab.

RAJU

Aise hee. Temporary.

AKHIL

Acchaa.

RAJU

Haan ye to baaher ke kaamon ke

liye hai.

AKHIL

Baher ke kaam.

RAJU

Haan jaise mobile recharge, samose

aur cold drinka lana. Ya bike

se transport vaigarah.

AKHIL

Oh smajha. Very good.

RAJU

Bataiye na. Aap lead role de

sakte ho.

AKHIL

Haan. Haan. Kyun nahin. lekin

mujhe kya milega.

RAJU

Jo aap chaho.

AKHIL

Sach main.

RAJU

Haan. Main koi bhee compromise

ker saktee hun.

AKHIL

Accha. Mujhe neend aa rahee

hai.

RAJU

Mujhe bhee. Bedroom kidhar

hai.

AKHIL

Udhar. Lekin aapke bf ko problem

nahin hogi.

RAJU

Nahin. Bola na wo temporary

hai.

AKHIL

Ok. To chalein.

Raju and Akhil go to bedroom. Akhil closes the door.

Raju and Akhil sit on bed. Raju tries to hug Akhil. Just then he sees Raghu at window with camera.

AKHIL

Ek minute rukna.

Akhil shuts the window.

RAJU

Oh shit.

Akhil comes and tries to remove his shirt.

RAJU

Aaa..

AKHIL

What happened?  

RAJU

Mere pet main bahut dard ho raha

hai.

AKHIL

              Kaisa dard. Achanka se.

RAJU

              Haan golgappe khaye the. Marod pad

rahe hain.

AKHIL

Kya. To Abhi kuch nahi ho sakta.

RAJU

Nahin. Abhee main doctor ke pass ja

rahee hun. But don’t worry main

agle Monday ko jaroor aaungi.

AKHIL

Ok.

Raju gets up and goes out.

INT. APARTMENT – DAY

Raghhu and Raju are sitting.

RAJU

Yaar ye to bada kamina nikla.

RAGHU

Use kaise pata chala main

khidki ke baher hun.

RAJU

Pata nahin. Purana khiladee hai.

isliye sab pata hai.

RAGHU

To ab kya karein. Sabot kaise

laayein.

RAJU

Kuch to sochna padega.

Both try to think.

INT. RUBY’S APARTMENT – DAY

Ruby is practising dancing on a tune.

Raghu and Raju come.

    

RAJU

Hi Ruby.

RUBY

Hi.

RAGHU

Tum to bahut accha dance ker

letie ho.

RUBY

Really. Oh thank you. thank you. Bolo

kaise aana hua.

RAGHU

Nahin. Aise hee.

RUBY

Kyun. Saboot nahin laaye. Tum log

to gaye the.

RAJU

Haan. haan. Laye hain na.

RUBY

Sach main. Really.

RAGHU

Ya.  

RUBY

Ok. To batao.

RAJU

Chal bata.

                            

RUBY

Batana kya hai. Main saboot mang

rahi hun.

RAJU

Yahi hai na sabot. Ye witness

hai. Chasmdeed gawah.

RUBY

Matlab.

RAJU

Matlab isne Akhil ko kisi ke sath

kuch kerte dekha.

RUBY

Sach main.

RAGHU

Haan.

RUBY

Ok. To kiske sath aur kya kerte

dekha. 

RAGHU

Kal maine dekha. Ek ladkee Akhil

ke pass kaam mangne aayee apne

bf ke saath. To Akhil ne use

compromise kerne ke liye kaha.

Aur bedroom main le gaya.

RUBY

Fir.

RAGHU

Fir kya.

RAJU 

Aage kya hua.

RAGHU

Fir to darwaja band ho gaya.

RUBY

To sabot kahan hua fir. Ho sakta

ho usne uska audition liya ho.

RAJU

Band kamre main. Audition.

RUBY

Ho sakta hai. Sone ka scene ho.

Aur wo use lete hue dekhna chahta

ho.

RAGHU

Nahin.

RUBY

Nahin ya to tum pukhta sabot lao

verna Akhil per keechad uchalna

chod do. Kyun media ko bhookhe

marna chahte ho. Ye kaam unka

hai.Chalo ab jao. Akhil aane wala

hai.

                            

RAGHU

Akhil yahan.

RUBY

Haan. Hum dono dinner date ke

liye ja rahe hain. bye.

Raghu and Raju leave sadly.

INT. RUBY’S APARTMENT – DAY

Raghu and Raju are peeping from the door.

Akhil and Ruby are talking.

AKHIL

Aaj main tumhe dinner per leker

chalunga. Fir movie dekhenge.

RUBY

Really.

AKHIL

Haan. Aur raat ko mere yahan hee

ruk jana.

RUBY

Wo to mushkil hai.

AKHIL

Kyun. Main tumhe apni banaee

latest film dikhaunga.

RUBY

Ok. dekhenge. Chalein.

Ruby and Akhil leave.

INT. APARTMENT – DAY

Raghu and Raju are in room.

RAGHU

Yaar suna tune.

                            

RAJU

Haan yar.

RAGHU

Yar isse pehle Akhil Ruby ko

seduce kerne main safal ho jaye

haemin saboot lana hee hoga.

RAJU

Lekin per kaise. Wo to ladki

ander le jane ke baad khidki

darwaje sab band ker deta hai.

RAGHU

Mere pass iska ek upaaiye hai.

RAJU 

Sach main. Bol kya.

Raghu tells in Raju’s ear.

RAJU

Are wah. To chala jaye.

Both leave.

INT. AKHIL’S APARTMENT – DAY

Akhil is talking to another girl.

GIRL

Tum sach bol rahe ho. Ye

role mujhe hee milega na.

AKHIL

Haan baby. Mera yakeen karo.

Bas agle saunday ko mil jana

bas.

GIRL

Ok. Main jarror aaungi. Ab main

chaltee hun. Mujhe ek producer

ke pass bhee milne jana hai.

ok. Bye.

AKHIL

Bye.

The girl leaves. Raghu and Raju come. Both are in their get ups.

RAJU

Hello Akhil ji.

AKHIL

Are tum. Mujhe to lag raha

tha tum nahin aaogi.

RAJU

Are aati kaise nahin. Ishk

main majboor jo hun.

AKHIL

Aayee to aayee lekin is manhoos

ko kyun sath le aayee.

RAJU

Kya karun. Jaamna mere husn ka

deewana hai. Ye bodyguard ka

bhee kaam ker leta hai.

AKHIL

Accha ye batao. Pet ka dard kaisa

hai.

RAJU

Wo to usee din thik ho gaya tha.

Darasl maine na bahut se

golgaape aur bhelpuri khaa lee

thee. Doctor ne ek goli dee. Sab

kuch ek sath nikal gaya. Bada

aaraam aaya.

AKHIL

To kuch romantic batein karein.

RAJU

Haan. Haan chalo. Bedrrom

udhar hee hai na.

AKHIL

Haan.

Raju goes to bedroom. Akhil follows him.

INT. AKHIL’S APARTMENT - BEDROOM – DAY

Raju sits on bed.  

AKHIL

Ek minute aaya.

Akhil shuts the door. He then goes to window. Raju takes the pen out and switches on the camera. He puts the pen on shirt.

Akhil comes to Raju.

AKHIL

Chalo ab koi khatra nahin.

Chalo shuru karein.

RAJU

Haan.

AKHIL

Chalo neeche baitho.

RAJU

Neeche. Kyun.

AKHIL

              Are baitho to sahi.

RAJU

Ok. Lo.

Raju sits on floor. Akhil comes and hold him from hairs.

RAJU

Are ye kya ker rahe ho.

AKHIL

Kuch nahin. Ye meri fantasy hai.

RAJU

Please aisa mat karo. Mere

baal ukhad jayenge.

Akhil keeps pulling and shaking the hairs.

RAJU

Hai. Dard ho raha hai. chodo

mere baalon ko.

AKHIL

Nahin. Bahut maja aa raha hai.

Just then the wig comes off.

AKHIL

Oh no. Tu to ladka hai.

Akhil then takes the pen.

AKHIL

Spy camera.

Akhil breaks the camera.

AKHIL

Ruk ja kamine. Abhee police ko

bulata hun.

RAJU

Police. Nahin aisa mat kerna.

Akhil tries to dial number. Raju runs out of the room.

INT. APARTMENT – DAY

Raghu and Raju are in the room.

RAJU

Kya yaar. Sara plan chopat ho

gaya.

RAGHU

Ye kya ho raha hai mere sath.

Kya Ruby kabhee meri nahin ho

payegi.

RAJU

Nahin. Aisa mat bol. Kuch sochte

hain.

EXT. COMPOUND – DAY

Raghu and raju are in the compound. Ruby passes by.

RAGHU

Hello Ruby kahan ja rahee ho.  

RUBY

Aare kuch mat puccho. Aaj Akhil

ne bulaya hai. Koi role dilwane

wala hai. Accha main chalti hun.

Already late ho chuki hun. Bye.

Ruby leaves.

RAGHU

Yar wo sadakchap director Ruby

ko role dila raha hai.

RAJU

Role aur wo. Mujhe to lagta hai role

ke lalch main Ruby ka galat fayda

na uthaye. Dekha nahin kitna tharki

hai.

RAGHU

Haan yar us per najar rakhni

padegi.

RAJU

Hmmm.

INT. AKHIL’S APARTMENT – DAY

Akhil and Ruby are sitting in front of each other.

AKHIL

Lo Ruby peeo. Fir main bataunga

tumhara role kya hai.

Ruby drinks. Her vision becomes hazy.

RUBY

Are? Mujhe kya ho raha hai. Ye

kya milaya hai tumne isme.

Ruby faints.

AKHIL

Ha ha ha. Ruby darling ab aayega

maja.

Akhil lifts Ruby and takes to bedroom.

INT. AKHIL’S APARTMENT - BEDROOM – DAY

Akhil tries to open Ruby’s shirt. Just then Raghu and Raju come. They start beating him.

RAJU

Haaramkhor.

Raju punches him. Raghu kicks him.

AKHIL

Hai. chodo mujhe.

They beat him with punches and kicks.

INT. APARTMENT – DAY

Ruby opens her eyes and sees Raghu and Raju. She wakes up with a start and looks around.

RUBY

Kahan hai wo kammena. Kahan hai  

haramzada.

RAGHU

              Kon.

RUBY

Wohi Akhil. Jante ho usne meri

drink main kuch milaya tha.

Chodungi nahin use.

RAJU 

Jane do. Aaj ke baad wo tumhara

naam lene se bhee kampenga.

RUBY

Kya. Kya kiya tum logon ne.

RAJU

Kuch nahin. Bas halki see dhunaee.

RUBY

Halki kyun. Uski to ache se kerte.

RAGHU

Kaise kerte.

RUBY

Kyun.

RAGHU

Tumhara boyfriend jo hai.

RUBY

Shut up.

Ruby smiles and throw a pillow on them. Everybody laughs.