Ep-2 Raghu and Raju: The husband problem

FADE IN

INT. APARTMENT – DAY

Minchi comes with a tiffin.

MINCHI

Raghu. Raghu. Raju..Raju. Kahan

ho dono.

Raghu comes from bathroom. He is in towel.

MINCHI

Are Raghu.

RAGHU

Are minchi. Tu yahan kya ker

rahi hai.

MINCHI

Maine maal-puee banaye the. Raju

kahan hai.

RAGHU

Bathroom main.

Raju also comes there. He is in his underwear.

RAJU 

ee…. Ye yahan kya ker rahi hai.

MINCHI

Maalpuee laee hun.

RAJU 

Sharam nahin hai tujhme jara bhee.

MINCHI

Kyun. Maine kon sa galat kaam kiya.

RAJU 

Aise jawan ladkon ko taad rahee hai.

ye galat hai.

MINCHI

Kyun tum dono bhee to samne wali

Ruby ko tadte rehte ho.

RAJU 

Ye gaalat hai.

RAGHU

Ok ok. Chup ho jao tum dono.

Minchi ye tiffin muje do.

Minchi gives the tiffin.

RAGHU

Ok. Ab jao. Hum log kaam per ja

rahe hain.

MINCHI

Ok. Bye. My hotties.

Minchi goes out. Raghu and Raju wear their clothes.

EXT. COMPOUND – DAY

Raghu and Raju are standing and chatting. Ruby comes there.

RAGHU

Hello Ruby.

RUBY

Hello.

RAGHU

Kahin ghumne gayee thee kya.

RUBY

Nahin . Ek audition tha.

RAJU

Ok. Kaisa raha.

RUBY

Achha gaya. Dekho call aata hai

ya nahin.

RAJU

              Don’t worry. Call jaroor ayega.

RUBY

Ok. Main chaltee hun.

BOTH

Ok.

Ruby goes to her room.

RAGHU

Yaar kaise pataun isko?

RAJU 

Mujhe kya pata.

RAGHU

Kya mujhe kya pata. Tu to expert

hai in sab kaamo main.

RAJU 

Lekin tu to mera bhee guru hai.

RAGHU

Yar please. Bata na.

RAJU 

Pehle to hum logon ko iske ghar aane

jane ka bahana chahiye.

RAGHU

Hum logon ko matlab. Tu bhee kahin

is per line to nahin maar raha.

RAJU 

Shut up.

RAGHU

Fir tu iske ghar kyun jana chahta

hai.

RAJU 

Taki tu despo na lage. Aisa ker khud

ker le. Main jar aha hun.

RAGHU

Oh. sorry yar. please bata na kaise

jayein iske gahr.

RAJU 

Idhar aa.

Raju tells Raghu in ear.

RAGHU

Okies..chal phir abhee chalte

hain.

Both go out.

INT. RUBY’S APARTMENT – DAY

Ruby is sitting in her room and looking at some magazine. Just then Raghu and Raju come. They are holding a tiffin.

RAGHU

Hello Ruby ji.

RUBY

              Oho ye dono chipku fir aa gaye(to

herself).

Are Raghu and Raju. Aao aao.

Both come inside.

RUBY

Aao baitho.

They both sit in front of her.

RUBY

Kaho kaise aana hua.

RAJU

Actually ye Raghu bahut achee

cooking kerta hai. Aaj usne maal-

puyee banaye the. To socha

aapko bhee taste kerwaye jayein.

Raghu gives tiffin to Ruby.

RUBY

Oh so sweet Raghu. But sorry.

Main maal-puyee  nahin khati.

I am on dieting.

RAGHU

Oh. Sad.

RAJU

To aap kya khati hain.

RUBY

Fish.

RAJU

Fish.

RAGHU

Ok. No problem. Minchi se kehke.

RUBY

Minchi.

RAJU

Iska matlab Minchi se kachhi fish

mangwa lenge. Banayega to apna Raghu

hee. Kyun Raghu.

RAGHU

Haan haan kyun nahin. Main fish to

itne pyar se banata hun ki khane

walo ko mujhse pyar hee ho jata hai.

But Ruby reads magazine again. And Raghu is pissed off.

RAJU 

Ok Ruby ji hum log chalte hain.

Baad main ayenge.

RUBY

Ok. bye.

Ruby keeps sitting and doesn’t pay attention.

Raghu and Raju go out.

INT. AASTHA APARTMENT – DAY

Anil is arguing with Aastha.

ANIL

Dekho mujhse bahas mat karo. Chupchaap

yahan sign kar do.

AASTHA

Nahin. Tum mujhse mere bache ko

nahin cheen sakte.

ANIL

Thik hai. Fir mujhe court case kerna

hoga. Aur main ye sabit ker dunga

ki tumhara character achha nahin hai.

AASTHA

Thodee to sharam karo.Character

tumhara kharab hai. Mera nahin.

ANIL

Definitely. Lekin ye baat Indian

kanoon ko nahin pata. Wo ankhon se

hee nahin dimag se bhee andha hai.

Mere pass paisa hai main jo chahe

prove kar sakta hun. Tumhari

zindgi court kchehri ke chakker

katate gujar jayegi.

AASTHA

Main tumharee dhamkiyon se nahin

darne wali. Tum arpit ko mujhse

door nahin ker sakte.

Just then Arpit comes there.

ANIL

Accha. Chalo main abhee Arpit ko

le jata hun. Dekhte hain tum kya

ker leti ho.

Anil picks up Arpit.

AASTHA

Tum pagal ho gaye ho. Ye kya ker

rahe ho.

Anil goes towards door.

AASTHA

Chodo Arpit ko. Tum aisa nahin

ker sakte.

Anil goes out. Aastha goes out after him.

EXT. COMPOUND – DAY

Anil goes towards the gate. Aastha is pleading with him.

AASTHA

Please Anil. Chod do arpit ko. Nahin

to police ko phone ker doongi.

ANIL

Main Arpit ko le jaa raha hun.

Tumhe jo kerna hai kar lo.

Anil walks away with Arpit. Just then Raghu and Raju come in his way.

ANIL

Kon ho tum log. Hato mere raste

se.

RAJU

Pehle tu bata. Tu kon hai. Aur

is bache ko kahan le ja raha hai.

ANIL

Ye mera beta hai. Is per mera hak

hai.

RAGHU

Lekin Aastha ji iski maan hai.

Unka bhee is per pura hak hai.

ANIL

Dekho mere se behas mat karo. Tum

jante nahin ho main kon hun.

RAJU

To abhee jaan lete hain. Neeche

rakh de bachee ko.

RAGHU

Rakh de tau. Ye  abhee abhee tihad

se choot ker aaya hai bail per.

ANIL

Kya ..

Anil is afraid. He keeps Arpit down.

RAJU

Chal abhee satak le.

ANIL

Thik hai. Abhee to main ja raha hun.

Lekin jaldee hee lotunga. Police

aur apne vakil ke sath. Dekhta hun

mere bete ko kaise rok ker rakhte ho.

Anil goes away.

INT. AASTHA APARTMENT – DAY

Raghu and Raju is sitting in front of Aastha .

AASTHA

Bas yahi sari story hai. Divorce ke

baad Anil ab Arpit ki custody lene

ki koshish ker raha hai. Lekin woe

ek number ka aiyaash hai.

RAJU

Hmm.

RAGHU 

Don’t worry. Ghabaraiye mat. Aise

case humne pehle bhee handle kiye

hain.

AASTHA

Matlab.

RAJU 

Matlab kuch nahin. Bas aap befikr

rahiye. Wo aadmi aapko dubara

pareshan nahin karega. Accha hum

chalte hain.

AASTHA

Ok. Aap dono ka fir se bahut bahut

shukriya.

RAGHU 

Are sukriya kee jaroorat nahin hai.

Waise bhee social service to haamra

dharm hai. Ok bye.

Both go out.

INT. APARTMENT – DAY

Raju and Raghu are standing near Minchi who is talking over phone.

MINCHI

Hello. Anil Ji.

ANIL

Hello. Aap kon.

MINCHI

Main hun. Lisa.

ANIL

Kon Lisa.

MINCHI

Are yaad nahin. Chat per baat

huee thee.

ANIL

Umm. Yaad nahin aa raha. Jara

yad dilao kya baat huee thee.

MINCHI

Wahi pyar mohabbat kee batein.

ANIL

Oh. Yad aaya. Wo kya hai bahut

logon se chat hoti rehti hai.

to jaar bhul gaya tha.

MINCHI

To kab aaun aapse milne.

ANIL

Kal meri patni mayke ja rahee hai.

tum raat ko aa jana.

MINCHI

Ok. Mera intezar kerna. Main

pahunch jaungi. Bye.

RAGHU

Wao minchi. Tumne to kamal ker

diya.

MINCHI

Hee hee.

RAGHU

Ab dekho hum log kya kerte hain.

INT. ANIL’S APARTMENT – DAY

Anil is waiting impatiently.

ANIL

Kab aayegi. Kab aayegi.

Doorbell rings. Anil goes and opens the door. Raju is in getup of a girl and in modern dress.

RAJU

Hello Mr Anil.

ANIL

Hello. Aap hee lisa ho.

RAJU

Ya.

ANIL

Oh. aaiye aaiye. Kab se aapka hee

intejar ker raha tha.

Both come in the room.

ANIL

Ji baithiye. Jitna socha tha aap to

usse kahin khoobsurat hain.

RAJU

Really. Thanks.

ANIL

Accha batiye. Aap kya lengi. Chai,

coffee.

RAJU

 Vodka hai.

ANIL

Vodka.. vodka to nahin. desi

chalegi.

RAJU

Thik hai. wahi le aaiye.

Anil goes to another room.

RAJU

Kangaal kahin ka.

Anil comes with two glasses of alcohol.

ANIL

Lijiye. Aapke jaisee bindaas ladkee

aaj tak nahin dekhi.

Raju touches the glass.

RAJU

Ye to bahut garam hai.

ANIL

Wo aapne chu diya na.

RAJU

Tharki (whispers). Ice hai kya.

ANIL

Haan. Wo to hai. abhee laya.

Anil goes. Raju opens the door. Raghu comes inside with camera and runs to bedroom.

Anil comes with ice. He adds ice cubes in the glasses.

ANIL

Ye lijiye.

Anil raises the toast.

RAJU

Cheers.

RAJU

Umm.. wo namak hoga.

ANIL

Namak.

RAJU

Haan.

ANIL

Namak ka kya karengi aap.

RAJU

Isme dalungi

ANIL

Daaru min namak kon dalta hai.

RAJU

Main.

ANIL

Mera matlab. Namak wali daaru

kaisi lagtee hogi.

RAJU

Ekdum zhakaas lagtee hai.

ANIL

Acchaa.

RAJU

Jaiyee le aaiye.

ANIL

Ok.

Anil goes. Raju takes out a pill and adds to Anil’s glass. Anil comes back with salt.

ANIL 

Lijiye.

RAJU

Ye kya hai.

ANIL

Namak.

RAJU

Namak. Iska kya karenge.

ANIL

Aapne hee to bola abhi.

RAJU

Oh. Pata nahin Anil ji. Aaj main

bahut upset hun. Pata nahin kya

kya bole ja rahee hun.

ANIL

Oh baby. Koi baat nahin. ab tum

mere sath ho na. Main tumhari

sari tension door ker dunga.

RAJU

Really.

ANIL

Haan. Chalo ab uthaoo.

They pick glasses.

ANIL

Cheers.

RAJU

Cheers.

They empty the glasses.

RAJU

Ok. Bedroom kidhar hai. jara

jaldee karo. Mujhe jana bhee hai.

ANIL

Haan. Haan. Udhar hai. chaliye.

Both go to the bedroom.

INT. ANIL’S APARTMENT - BEDROOM – DAY

Anil and Raju come in the bedroom.

They start making love. Raghu comes out from under the bed and starts making video. He is running here and there.

RAJU

Abe neeche.

ANIL

Kon kon. Ye kiski aawaj thee.

Raghu hides behind bed.

RAJU

Mere dil kee.

ANIL

Nahin wo to mard kee awaj thee.

RAJU

Haan dil to mard hee hota hai

na.

Raju throws Anil down.

Raghu again makes video.

ANIL

              Mujhe kuch ho raha hai.

RAJU

              Mujhe bhee.

ANIL

Mera matlab meri ankho ke aage

andehra cha raha hai.

RAJU

Really. Fir to bahut mja aayega.

Anil falls on the bed.

Ragu comes out.

RAGHU

Le isko aise ghuma.

Raju makes different poses with Anil and Raghu keeps taking pictures.

RAGHU

Chal chalein.

After some time they flee from there.

INT. AASTHA APARTMENT – DAY

Astha is helping Arpit with homework. Just then door opens. Anil comes there with inspector.

ANIL

Inspector sahib yahi hai wo.

Astha gets up.

AASTHA

Kya baat hai inspector.

INSPECTOR

Inka kehna hai aapne inke bache

ko jabrdasti apne pass rakha hua

hai.

AASTHA

Wo mera beta hai.

ANIL

Inspector sahib is aurat ka

Character theek nahin hai. Iske

doosre mardo se sambandh hai.

AASTHA

Ye zhooth hai. Inspector ye aadmi

ekdum makkar hai.

INSPECTOR

Sorry madam. Haemin bache ko le

jana padega.

AASTHA

Nahin.

Anil goes and takes Arpit. They start going towards the door.

Just then Raju and Raghu come there.

RAGHU

Thariye inspector sahib.

INSPECTOR

Aap log.

ANIL

Ye isee ke pale hue gunde hain

sir.

RAJU 

Gunde hum hain ya ye. Iska faisla

to abhee ho jayega. Jara ye dekhiye.

Raghu shows video of Anil and Raju.

INSPECTOR

Oh my god. Haramkhor, sharam nahin

aatee tumhe. Apni patni per lanchan

laga rahe ho. Aur khud itne gire hue

ho.

ANIL

Kya..kya keh rahe ho aap.

Anil sees the video and pictures. He is ashamed.

INSPECTOR

Ab chup-chap yahan se nikal

le. Verna aiyashee kerne ke

jurm main jail main daal dunga.

Anil goes out.

RAGHU

Aur dubara kabhee yahan pair

mat rekhna.

INSPECTOR

Ok. Main bhee chalta hun. Sorry

aapko kasht diya.

AASTHA

              Ok inspector.

Inspector goes out.

AASTHA

Aap donon ka bahut bahut shukriya.

Lekin ye sab hua kaise.

RAGHU

Wo ander kee baat hai Aastha

ji. Bas aap nishchint ho jaiye.

Ye aadmi dubara aapko kabhee tang

nahin karega.

RAJU

Ok ab hum log chalte hain. Bye.

AASTHA

Bye.

Both go out.

EXT. COMPOUND – DAY

Raghu and Raju are going. Minchi comes there.

MINCHI

Aye kahan ja rahe ho tum.

RAGHU

Are baap re. Ye kahan se aa

gayee.

RAJU

Are minchi tum.

MINCHI

Haan main.

RAGHU

Acha hum jara jaldee main hain.

MINCHI

Aye. Kahan ja rahe ho. Yad hai

na tum logon ne promise kiya tha.

RAJU

Promise. Kon sa promise.

MINCHI

Accha bachhu. Us din maine tum

logon kee help kee thee. Anil

ko phone nahin kerwaya tha tum

logon ne.

RAGHU

 Achha wo.

MINCHI

Haan. Aur tum logon ne kaha tha

mujhe date per le jaoge. Double

date per.

RAJU

Oh. Fans gaye yar.

MINCHI

To chalein.

RAGHU

Abhee.

MINCHI

Haan. Abhi.

RAJU

Abhee to time nahin hai.

MINCHI

Aye. Jayada aanakani kee to inspector

ko bata dungi. Kaise tum logon ne

Anil ko fansaya hai.

RAGHU

Uff yaar.

RANGEELA

Minchi.

MINCHI

Oh no. Papa.

Rangeela comes there.

RANGEELA

Minchi. Tu phir ladkon ke sath

lagee huee hai. Kitni baar bola

hai. Anajaan ladkon se baat

nahin kerne ka. Chal ander.

MINCHI

Jj ji. Papa.

Minchi goes inside her house.

RANGEELA

Aur tum log meri beti per line to

nahin maar rahe.

RAGHU

Nahin Rangeela bhai. Hamara

bhee kuch standard hai.

RANGEELA

Kya kaha.

RAJU

Kuch nahin. Kuch nahin. Accha hum

chalte hain.Bye

raghu and Raju laughs and  go out.

THE END